There is always a point in the preparation for a recital or recording when I feel becalmed (not the same a feeling calm!). The subconscious undercurrents of spontaneous growth and development seem to abandon me. It eventually passes once I put more time into the playing, but always an existential cul-de-sac until then.
At these moments, when clarity eludes me, I remind myself to simply search for patterns that may have previously eluded me in the music. Any phrase that consistently crashes is usually due to a misunderstanding of the patterns and grouping. The patterns illuminate meaning and also give purpose to the very basic boneheaded tasks of trying to produce a clean, musical tone or exotic tempo.
And if time allows, I try to see where my mistakes are leading me… sometimes they are like persistent children, exasperating yet also communicating something important albeit
with the wrong words. I am always open to the ideas that grow from my mistakes.
Tomorrow I visit my repairman and maybe he can give me wings.